Sharing My Daily Reading Practice

on a personal note

This may be more of a journal entry than an article or installment. It's time for me to take a break from the didactic nature of my last few posts/newsletters. Those will continue, but I need to reorient myself before I can jump back in. I also don't want this space to be purely didactic. It's difficult for me to write purely from that headspace. It requires me to flip a switch in my brain that is equally exciting and exhausting. This post is more about being and exploring. If you've been holding your breath waiting for the fourth installment of Writing with the Minor Arcana, I promise she will arrive. She will.

But first, a word from our sponsor.

In case you don't know I'm a writer who is into all the woo. I also hate calling it woo and I get why it's called woo. My favorite woo topics are:

1. tarot and oracle cards,

2. moon cycles and setting intentions with the new moon,

3. astrology and human design,

4. yoga,

5. art journaling and junk journaling,

6. planning and bullet journaling, and

7. artful annotation.

Not sure the last three fit the woo label, but it feels right to include them.

And, of course, writing fiction and non-fiction. Writing as a form of personal expression and exploration. Writing as a way to connect. Writing as catharsis. Writing as a way to tend to the various flora and fauna living in the eco-system of my brain, heart and spirit.

In the category of living as a human person with a brain on a planet floating in the verse there are struggles and wins with

1. ADHD,

2. depression,

3. body dysmorphia,

4. CPTSD.

It's a tangled mass of neurons constantly misfiring, not firing, and often refusing to speak to one another.

Why the inventory of woo passions and brain functions?

Because if I'm going to show up here consistently as I want to do, I need stake a claim for the value of exploring and experimenting with personal process.

• Why do we write?

• What do we write about?

• Who are we writing to/for?

• Why do we feel the desire to express ourselves with words?

• Why does story and personal narrative call to us?

The answers are personal. This newsletter is not a business model, it's a piece of a personal evolution.

This is about exploring how words fit together on a page as they are being processed through my brain and playing with the elegant system and symbology of tarot to go deeper and escape the patterns I feel trapped by as a human who writes.

Damn! That's a long sentence. And I stand by it.

All of this to say, I need to navigate the personal evolution of myself as a writer in this space or I will start to feel like a cardboard cut-out of a writer who represents the writer writes about tarot and writing. Meaning the didactic articles will come with sprinkles of self-exploration otherwise there's no context. I am not a writing machine or an algorithm. I'm not AI. I'm a messy tangled-up human who loves to write and communicate. Who longs for connection. I'm an explorer not an expert. And everything is relevant.

This is one of the reasons I love tarot and have remained intrigued by tarot for well over 30 years. It speaks to the mundane and the miracle. And I want to show up not only as a writer and tarot lover, but also as a human who is living and writing.

This is the end of my second Saturn return. I may or may not be blessed to experience a third and I feel this 'may be' viscerally. If I'm lucky, I will turn 60 this year. Writing in this space is an important aspect of opening to the next iteration of my life experience.

Just for funsies, while we’re making lists, the iterations of my 'adult'-ish life go something like this:

1. boy crazy hyperactive tequila loving free spirit who loves NYC and lives to be on the stage,

2. a mom who loves momming but can't reconcile phase 1 with phase 2 so I will do everything I possibly can to be steady and supportive and provide for my family to,

3. full on menopausal empty-nester who is blessed with a wonderful child, husband and doggo who achieved steady state living for herself and her loved ones who is now providing care for her aging mother and who longs to create something new.

I am full of curiosity and longing. I long for space and time. I long for purpose/passion. I don't mean romance passion, I mean life passion. The career/job that finances the steady state living is passion-less. I've reached the end of my ability to perform in that arena with any kind of generosity. I used to want to do a 'good job', be engaged, and take on more responsibility and challenge. Now? I do not care. I have to and I will show up and do the work to the best of my ability each day. But that's it. It's nothing but a transaction now. I have no goals in that arena anymore. Time in, paycheck out. Done.

I don't want this space to feel the same way. I want to show up here with generosity and joy.

Since beginning here only a month ago, I've learned so much about the effort it takes to persist. No doubt persistence will continue to be a learning curve. My morning journaling practice is full of longing for freedom, space and play. There have been so many synchronicities. One of those synchronicities was finding a new tarot deck. Purely by accident. I came across it in the bookstore and I wasn't expecting much from it, but dang! She's beautiful so I thought we could play with her and take a look at my daily reading practice in real time. I haven't pulled the cards yet. Anything could happen. No editing allowed. Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle and ...

Here we are.

This is Tarot Landscapes edited by Francesca Matteoni and illustrated by Yoshi Mari.

The reading starts in the center with Focus, moves to the left for Gifts to Receive and to the right for Gifts to Offer. I found this reading called The Reading of Gifts on @brianduffygram on the Insta and it stuck with me so I’ve been sticking with it. Please note: if you search for @brainduffygram, you won’t find him. I know from experience.

The Story

I’m focused on searching for the beauty I want to see in the world. Approaching this focus with an open heart and beginners mind will help me see what I need to see and experience what I hope to experience. The biggest gift: so you’re turning 60, you’re still a fool and as long as you breathe you have the opportunity to begin again. Take it one step at a time with patience and care.

Focus: 4 of Cups

For Focus we have the 4 of Cups with the crane flying away from the beautiful landscape looking for an even more beautiful landscape. Always searching for perfection and ending up perpetually dissatisfied. Restlessness. Searching for satisfaction outside.

My interpretation and message: what you create is good enough for now. You can let go of searching for the perfect article, the perfect writing system, the perfect life. Because perfection is a bottomless pit. Find the joy and beauty where you are now. Know that it is beautiful and it is enough. Nothing is static both the internal and the external will continue to evolve. This means you can stop trying to perfect yourself and rest. Soak in the beauty of where you are now.

Well, hello, Chronic Dissatisfaction. How've you been? No. Wait. Don't answer that. Let's just sit a spell and enjoy the view.

The bullets offer some questions to explore:

• What areas of my life feel like they fit?

• What am I searching for?

• What role does dissatisfaction play in my life?

• Can you name the beauty you are searching for?

The Gift to Receive: The Fool

A beautiful vista. A great wide open world lit by a rainbow. All is available and so we begin.

The message I hear: Let's begin again, again. Look how beautiful and big this world is. I wonder what's out there. Only one way to find out. Venture on.

• What is in front of you?

• What adventure are you seeking?

• What would it feel like to live without expectations?

• Where are you beginning or beginning again?

The Gift to Give: 2 of Pentacles

This looks precarious. That poor raccoon! Where do you want to go? What are you leaving behind?

Personal message: you will reach the destination with careful balance and determination. What will the egg become? Dinner? An ugly duckling? A phoenix? We don't know yet. Right now it's one step at a time.

• What are you trying to balance?

• What are you leaving behind?

• Impatience will probably cause you to stumble, can you let it go?

• Are you carrying too much? Do you need to let something go so you can move forward?

I can see how this reading is responding to everything I wrote before. I love Tarot so much. And this deck lets me relax into my curiosity. Just looking at the images feels peaceful. Spacious. Beautiful and full. Present.

Even though this one was more personal in nature, I hope you find value in process and personal exploration. And I hope the reading and journal prompts take you an adventure. I would love to hear about your insights.